How to Help Your Daughter Have a Positive Body Image

In 1994, Mary Pipher, Ph.D. wrote an eye-opening book entitled Reviving Ophelia, Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.This novel addressed so-called “girl-poisoning” which, by unrealistic expectations of body image presented by the media and other outlets that subscribe to sexist thoughts, slowly and unintentionally, squelch and stifle the creative spirit of girls resulting in the erosion of self-esteem. Heavy stuff, huh?

When this pro-girl book came out in 1994, I was entering my senior year in high school. The age at which this book insisted that I was being pressured to be a size 2 (no, society didn’t enforce this requirement on me. Peer pressure did. Yes, I understand the idiocy of that statement, now). At 17, I wrote an infamous paper entitled, Oh God! Not Another Feminist (infamous because years later I worked in the social work field and voted Democrat). During the revival of Ophelia there was nobody on this green earth that could have told me I was making choices based on commercials, print ads, societal pressures. Nope, I was just being me. But now, nearly 18 years later and the mother of two daughters, I would like to smack my smug little teenage self and tell her to get a clue.

It Take a Village to Raise a Child

Truly, it takes a collection of individuals with varying degrees of experiences and wisdom to raise our youth. We find these individuals within our family units, at our daughters’ schools, in their extracurricular activities. The adults and our daughters’ peers form their opinions, their preferences, their stereotypes and their prejudices based on the hierarchy of social influence where the media resides at that top spot.

A 9 year old girl doesn’t naturally wake up one morning, point to her stomach and insist that she needs to sign-up for Weight Watchers. Nope. But a 9 year old girl who is influenced by a society completely saturated with pseudo-positive messages (eat this healthy cereal, so you can wear that and be liked and praised, loved and desired, blah, blah, blah. I mean who cares if it’s simply healthy for health’s sake?) is more likely to feel pressure to meet an expectation that is unrealistic.

How You Can Contribute to Your Daughter’s Positive Body Image

Reinforce that your daughter’s self-worth is NOT reliant on her looks. Everyone wants to feel great and look their best. But to place a greater emphasis on one’s appearance while overlooking achievements sends the wrong message. You do not need to lecture or present a manifesto on the evils of eye liner. Why? Because we were all 17 once and we know how we responded when our parents tried to reason with us (aka: shove their opinions down our throats). However, there are gentler tactics that parents can use to debunk media stereotypes.

Be a Sympathetic Listener

Acknowledge your daughter’s concerns. Do not dismiss comments such as, “I hate my curly hair.” “I can’t wear those red jeans because they make my thighs look big.” Statements like these are easy to set aside, but we have probably said the exact same thing. Ask her why she feels this way. Take the opportunity to tell her about times when you have felt insecure or less than the image of perfection.

Be Your Daughter’s Role Model

In my house the F-word is never used. While I have uttered the four letter F-word one too many times, I refuse to allow that nasty three letter word to fall from my lips. Fat. Your goal as a role model is to empower your daughter. If you take a bite of a brownie and complain that you will need to wear your fat jeans later, what message is that sending? Media does a wonderful job of sending mixed messages. As parents it is our job to keep the messages clear.

Stay Active Together

What better way to model a healthy lifestyle than by living that lifestyle together. Sign up for a dance class together. Challenge each other by signing up for a 5K race. Volunteer for an organization that gives back to the community and keeps you moving like picking up trash from the neighborhood park or participating in a community garden.

Nurture Her Spirit

Life will always deliver unexpected challenges. The three examples I just gave you are steps towards helping your daughter build her sense of self. A strong sense of self, knowing who you are and what you stand for, creates resiliency. When you nurture your daughter’s natural talents you build her resiliency. When life deals a raw hand or that ignorant boy down the street makes a comment about her “flat rack,” hurt and anger may be your daughter’s natural reaction, but knowing that she has a million beautiful qualities, inside and out, will help her release ugly comments instead of letting them define her.

How do you help your daughter have a positive body image?